BILL CLINTON, reminiscing about an El Camino pickup truck he once owned, while visiting a GM plant in Louisiana
“I gave Bill a huge piece of my heart for many, many years. Now it appears that the man I loved . . . was cheating on me, too. Left and right.”
GENNIFER FLOWERS, responding to allegations that Clinton had extramarital affairs
“I’ll be delighted to take your questions now, except any questions that relate to the fair-market value of long underwear.”
IRS chief MARGARET RICHARDSON, at a press conference, after reports that Clinton took tax deductions for charitable donations of his underwear
“Shaking hands with Bill Clinton is, in and of itself, a full-body sexual experience, I promise you. He has the sexiest handshake of any man that I have ever experienced in my life.”
Author JUDITH KRANTZ, on greeting the president
ILLUSTRATIONS
“I believe I’m a better authority than anybody else in America on my wife. I have never known a person with a stronger sense of right and wrong in my life – ever.”
BILL CLINTON, defending his wife against charges of ethical misconduct in the Whitewater affair
“Being a Cubs fan prepares you for life–and Washington.”
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON, on how rooting or the hapless Chicago ball club has hardened her to adversity
ILLUSTRATIONS
BILL CLINTON, prior to asking Attorney General Janet Reno to name a special counsel to look into his role in the land deal
“They’re doing a tin cup for Bill and Hillary, and any way you cut it, it’s unprecedented and it’s not pretty.”
CHARLES LEWIS, director of the Center for Public Integrity, on the newly established Clinton legal defense fund
“Bless you.”
CLINTON, in response to a questioner at a New Hampshire town meeting who said, “Whitewater is for canoeing and rafting”
ILLUSTRATIONS
Virginia senatorial candidate OLIVER NORTH, challenging assertions that his role in the Iran-contra scandal makes him unfit for office
“Mr. Clinton better watch out if he comes down here. He’d better have a bodyguard.”
North Carolina Sen. JESSE HELMS, claiming that the president’s draft record and positions on defense spending and gays in uniform have earned the rancor of ordinary servicemen
“Well, for one thing, I find that I no longer win every golf game I play.”
GEORGE BUSH, on life after the presidency
“Words matter . . . he’s not the editor of a cheap tabloid, he’s not just an out-of-control radio talk-show host. He’s speaker of the House of Representatives, and he’s got to learn to behave as the speaker of the House of Representatives.”
LEON PANETTA, the White House chief of staff on Newt Gingrich
ILLUSTRATIONS
A White House aide bemoaning a spate of administration setbacks
ILLUSTRATIONS
Israeli Prime Minister YITZHAK RABIN, after signing the peace declaration with King Hussein of Jordan
“The struggle is not oven The struggle has entered a new phase.”
GERRY ADAMS, president of Sinn Fein, the IRA’s political wing, as he announced the group’s ceasefire
“One is that they spread rabies and threaten people’s lives. Another is that they urinate and defecate everywhere, polluting the environment. A third is that they bark and yelp, scaring people and biting people.”
From an editorial in China’s PEOPLE’S DAILY, arguing against keeping pet dogs
“We can’t do anything, I’m afraid. They just die and die and die, and they keep coming and coming and coming.”
DR. FLORENCE PARENT, on the outbreak of cholera among Rwandan refugees
LT. GEN. RAOUL CEDRAS, envisioning the chaos that would follow if the United States invaded Haiti
“We are addicted to shows like ‘Donahue.’ Today Donahue had on a guy who has an open relationship with his girlfriend. We couldn’t believe it.”
ALI REZA DAMOUZEH, a 23-year-old Iranian businessman, on how satellite dishes have opened his eyes to the Western world
ILLUSTRATIONS
“It looks more like the New York subway system, and I don’t think it represents our health-care plan at all.”
White House chief of staff MACK McLARTY, on the complex chart the GOP unveiled after Clinton’s State of the Union Message to challenge the administration’s health-care proposal
Sen. PHIL GRAMM, Texas Republican and a vocal critic of government-sponsored “socialized” Democratic health-care reform, when reminded that his own mother enjoys Medicare coverage
“I’m standing in the kitchen and having my wife throw pots and pans at me.”
Congressional Budget Office Director ROBERT REISCHAUER, on how he prepared for giving testimony to Congress on the Clinton health plan
ILLUSTRATIONS
Coloradan DAVID MILLIS, on his friend Francisco Martin Duran, accused of spraying the White House with gunfire
ILLUSTRATIONS
Justice CLARENCE THOMAS
“Well, honey, I hope you don’t screw up.”
The comment, according to FBI affidavits, of MARIA DEL ROSARIO CASAS AMES, wife of CIA mole Aldrich Ames, when he announced his plan to become a Soviet spy
ILLUSTRATIONS
“Did you read . . . that there’s two new suspects in the case – Ben & Jerry?”
Judge LANCE ITO, joking about the cup of ice cream reportedly found at the murder scene
“Did you at least see that punt return? That’s good special-teams coaching!”
ITO, before dismissing a prospective juror who tried unsuccessfully not to watch football on television
“If O.J. is so innocent, why are they trying to suppress all the evidence?”
DENISE BROWN, Nicole Simpson’s sister
SIMPSON, singing in court a line from the Broadway musical “Cats,” which he said he sang because “I can’t touch my kids”
ILLUSTRATIONS
PAULA COUGHLIN, testifying at a Tailhook-related trial
“You’re too old, you can’t see and you’re a woman. Maybe the ‘dogs’ would take you.”
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON, on how a Marine recruiter rebuffed her 1975 effort to enlist. “Dogs” apparently meant the Army.
ILLUSTRATIONS
New York’s CARDINAL JOHN O’CONNOR, on those in the anti-abortion movement who claim that murder of abortion doctors is justifiable
“Cut the crap, Hamlet. My biological clock is ticking and I want some babies now.”
Line of dialogue from California’s Reduced Shakespeare Company, which has condensed all the Bard’s plays into a two-hour performance
“The problem with AIDS is: you got it, you die. So why are we spending money on the issue?”
Montana Lt. Gov. DENNIS REHBERG, discussing state budget cuts for hospitals
ILLUSTRATIONS
“As far as I’m concerned–and contrary to popular belief–this would not make a classy movie. It would make just trashy Sunday-night television garbage.”
GEORGE FAY, whose son Michael was caned and jailed in Singapore for vandalism, on prospects for the story becoming a film
Publicist DAVID SCHMIDT, whose clients include Tonya Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly, on how Michael Fay could capitalize on the caning
ILLUSTRATIONS
New York Rep. NITA LOWEY, on actor Charlton Heston’s opposition to the assault-gun ban
“People don’t go to Dr. Kevorkian to get better.”
TIMOTHY KENNY, a Michigan prosecutor, dismissing the “Suicide Doctor’s” legal argument that he was allowed by state law to remove pain by any means
ILLUSTRATIONS
ANGELA MORRIS, a babysitter who for two weeks dressed, cleaned and cooked for four children whose parents didn’t return home
“Whoever has my children, please, please bring them back.”
South Carolina mother SUSAN SMITH, in a tearful plea to the alleged kidnapper of her two young sons on the day before she confessed to their murder
ILLUSTRATIONS
World chess champion GARY KASPAROV, on the odds of a woman earning his title
ILLUSTRATIONS
NANCY KERRIGAN, after taking a silver medal in Olympic women’s figure skating
“I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.”
Phoenix Suns star CHARLES BARKLEY
ILLUSTRATIONS
PRINCE CHARLES, to a well-wisher at an inner-city London housing project who said she had met his estranged wife, Princess Diana
“As long as it’s hot and wet and goes down the right way, it’s fine with me.”
SARAH FERGUSON, the Duchess of York, on tea
ILLUSTRATIONS
SEN. EDWARD KENNEDY, on the passing of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
“My only complaint about having a father in fashion is that every time I’m about to go to bed with a guy I have to look at my dad’s name all over his underwear.”
MARCI KLEIN, Calvin’s daughter
“You may not know my work, but I’ve seen all your movies.”
Former Soviet president MIKHAIL GORBACHEV, introducing himself to Paul Newman in a Los Angeles hotel lobby
“So let us now say goodbye to our gallant friend. He stood on pinnacles that dissolved in the precipice. He achieved greatly and he suffered deeply. But he never gave up.”
HENRY KISSINGER, in the eulogy at the burial of Richard M. Nixon
“It’s Patti’s life.”
NANCY REAGAN, commenting on the nude Playboy feature on Patti Davis, the Reagans’ daughter
“I guess they knew about my divorce from Loni and realized I had no money.”
BURT REYNOLDS, on two L.A. muggers who knocked him down, then ran away when they recognized him
“You don’t understand. I have to be on top.”
SHIRLEY MACLAINE, explaining to a Santa Fe, N.M., official why she wanted to build a house at the summit of sacred Atalaya Mountain and not lower on the slopes
MARLON BRANDO, writing about his romantic career in his autobiography
“There wasn’t a wet eye in the place.”
Writer JULIE BAUMGOLD, describing the nuptials of Marla Maples and Donald Trump
BARBRA STREISAND, after overcoming a two-decade-old ease of stage fright in her New Year’s weekend Las Vegas concerts
ILLUSTRATIONS
“We train hard, but we also believe in our special foods like pasta, risotto and good red wine.”
MAURILIO DE ZOLT, a member of Italy’s winning cross-country ski team, explaining its success
Cincinnati Reds owner MARGE SCHOTT, suspended once for racist remarks, in a furor- provoking comment she made when explaining why she objected to players with pierced ears
ILLUSTRATIONS
