You may have closed-off body language without even knowing it. If you’re shy, then it’s natural for you to retreat into your shell as a way of warding people off. Work on opening up your body little by little, facing people instead of turning away from them, and looking like you want people to talk to you instead of like you want to be left alone. Just making an effort of smiling more can have a huge impact. If people see you as friendly, they’ll be much more likely to ask you questions or to strike up a conversation with you. [1] X Expert Source Lynda JeanCertified Image Consultant Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
Okay, so maybe talking about the weather isn’t the most exciting thing in the world. But you can use the weather to talk about more interesting topics. For example, if someone complains about how the rain has kept them cooped up all weekend, you can ask if they had time to watch something good on TV; use it as an excuse to bring up your favorite movie or TV show. If a person is wearing an unusual piece of jewelry, you can compliment it and see if there’s a story behind it. Maybe it’ll lead into a discussion of how that person’s grandmother gave it to them, or of how that person got her Murano glass necklace in Italy, which is a place where you’ve been dying to go. When you make small talk, avoid asking yes or no questions that can cut a conversation short. Instead, ask questions that require a longer answer. Instead of asking, “Did you do anything fun this weekend?” you can ask, “What did you do over the weekend?” so the person has more room to talk. Avoid asking overly personal questions at first. Stick to the easy topics, such as hobbies, sports, bands, or pets, and wait for the person to open up a bit.
Their favorite bands, sports teams, movies, or TV shows Their hobbies or interests outside of work or school Favorite places that they’ve traveled If they have any pets How they like the place where they live How their interview/basketball game/weekend trip was Their plans for the weekend, the summer, or the holiday break
If you’re standing around in a group and see someone you don’t know, introduce yourself instead of awkwardly smiling at or looking away from that person. Everyone will be impressed by your initiative. If you see a new person who doesn’t know anyone, go out of your way to make that person feel comfortable. This is a basic kindness that won’t go unnoticed.
To make conversation with people, you should go beyond the surface and try to see what the person is really trying to tell you. If you’re in a group and one person is trying to back away or looking around, then he may be bored and uncomfortable and may need some help. If you’re talking to someone who keeps checking the time, or shifting from foot to foot, then that person may be late or anxious; it’s okay to say that you see that the person has a lot going on and that you look forward to chatting later.
Don’t be shy. Asking someone to hang out in a low-pressure way, such as grabbing coffee or going to an interesting lecture or movie together, isn’t a big deal. You’re not inviting someone to prom or asking them to marry you. It’s just asking for a bit of time. Think about it: is there someone in your life who seems cool, and who you’re always wishing you knew a little better? What’s the worst that can happen when you approach that person?
If you spend more time doing something you care about, you are also more likely to make friends with the people around you because they’ll share your interests. Even if you’re just developing a passion for a new hobby, you may find someone who shares that common bond. Finding new hobbies or interests will also help you become more social simply because you’ll get in the habit of stepping out of your comfort zone and putting yourself out there more, which is exactly what you need to do to be social.
Ask someone in your class to be part of a study group with you Invite someone you know to do some work in a coffee shop with you If someone you know shares your love for a certain band or actress, invite that person to a concert or a movie Ask a coworker to step out for lunch or coffee with you Organize a happy hour at work Invite a few people over to watch a popular TV show, such as Orange is the New Black, and order some pizza Organize an informal softball, basketball, or soccer game Ask a friend to help you run a poetry reading at your home or in a coffee shop
If you’re really nervous about accepting an invitation because you’re not quite sure what to expect, try to ask a few questions to get the lay of the land so you feel more comfortable. If you’re invited to a party, see if anyone else you know will be there. If you’re invited to a concert, ask what the venue is like. If you feel like you have more of an idea of what to expect, you’ll be less nervous about the opportunity.
Just being out in the world will help you form a habit of being around other people. The more time you spend around other people, the more you’ll get used to greeting people, making small talk, and alleviating any social anxiety you may have. Also, just being out in the world, getting some sunlight and fresh air, will make you feel less isolated and more likely to connect with other people. It can be hard to socialize when you’re used to being on your own.
Even if doing these things doesn’t help you instantly make a best friend, it’ll help you learn to work closely with other people, to be part of a team, and to have daily social interactions with people. You don’t have to run for president if you join the student council. Start small, and join the school spirit committee or another aspect of the organization that can help you have an impact without being in the spotlight.
In fact, socializing too much on social media can hold you back from having real interactions in person; avoid using social media as a crutch and spend more time talking to people face-to-face. You can use Facebook to be in touch with people, but make sure you message them to hang out in person, use it to invite people to real events, and generally make an effort to meet up with people outside of the Internet. Otherwise, you won’t be truly socializing – you’ll only be taking superficial measures to feel connected with people.
First, you may just be at the acquaintance level with someone, and after a few cups of coffee or a lunch date, you may call that person your friend. After a few months, you may start to really open up to each other, and soon enough, that person will be one of your nearest and dearest. But if you rush the relationship, it may fizzle out; instead, expect that it’ll take some time to make true friends.
Though you don’t have to always be around, you don’t want to develop a reputation for being a flake, either. If you want to build real relationships with people, then they have to feel like they can depend on you.
If you’re having a really busy week, then see if you can combine a social situation with something you have to do. Maybe invite a friend to study for your history exam with you or ask her to join you in the weekly yoga class you’ve committed to. Of course, it’s equally important to make time for yourself. If you’re naturally introverted or have trouble being social, then you can’t go from being alone all the time to hanging out with a million friends all the time without difficulty. Make sure you make time for “me time” and that you don’t sacrifice it for anything.
Of course, hanging out in big groups can be fun every once in a while. You can mix that up with more intimate, one-on-one sessions with the people who are close to you.
If your friend is talking to you about a struggle she’s having, try not to compare her life to yours too much or it’ll minimize the problem. Instead, take her situation at its own face value and use your experiences to provide advice. If your friend tells you that he or she has something important coming up, then you should check in before the event happens to wish him or her luck, or ask how it went. This shows that you listen and you care. In general, aim to listen more than you talk during conversations. [3] X Expert Source Lynda JeanCertified Image Consultant Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
You can do a favor for your friend, such as picking up coffee or lunch for her, to show how much she means to you. Don’t think that thank you cards are outdated. Writing one for a friend who has helped you out can really make a difference. Give your friends love, positivity, and compliments. Tell them why they’re awesome, from complimenting their sense of humor to their ability to listen.
Though it may sound corny, you never know until you try. If you try to hang out with someone and they turn you down, then you’re no worse off than you were before. However, if that person wants to hang out with you, then you’re on the way to gaining a friend. There are far more benefits to trying to hang out with someone than drawbacks, so what’s the harm in trying? If you face rejection from time to time, you’ll only be working on developing maturity and thick skin; life is all about how you respond to rejection, instead of trying to avoid it. Just take a deep breath, relax, and remind yourself that the worst that can happen when you try to be social is that the person doesn’t want to be social back. Is that really a tragedy? It may feel like one, but in the scheme of things, someone turning you down will only be a minor setback.
