You can ask someone out to coffee or something that doesn’t appear like a romantic date if you’re not comfortable asking them on a formal date, or if you aren’t sure that they’re gay. Avoid asking out someone who knows you and your friends and family on a date or you could risk being outed.
Some dating apps like Tinder and Grindr are geared towards hook-ups rather than long-term relationships. You can use a fake name if you don’t want your identity known while you set up a date. Consider telling any potential dates that you haven’t come out of the closet yet, but be careful. Some people may take offense and try to out you, so don’t tell them unless you feel like you can trust them.
For example, you could ask your friend something like, “Do you know anybody looking for a relationship that would be cool with me still being in the closet?” It can also help to chat with and get advice from some friends who are also queer. They can give you the confidence and support that you need.
You can use a different name when you visit a gay bar if you don’t want your identity to be known. Visiting local gay bars frequently can increase the likelihood that someone will recognize you and could reveal that you’re gay.
You can start the conversation with, “Listen, I want you to know that I haven’t come out yet. If that’s going to be a problem, please let me know. ” So there isn’t any confusion about it. Tell your potential date that you haven’t come out before you even agree to go on a date so they’re aware of your situation and potential boundaries.
Try a new restaurant in a part of town that you never visit. Visit a restaurant or bar in a neighboring town so you’re less likely to run into anyone.
Some venues may have photographers for promotional purposes. You can ask them not to take your photo so they don’t post it online.
If you have no intention of going home with your date, you can tell them something like, “Just so you know, I plan to go home alone tonight. ”
If the mood changes and you’re attracted to them, you can initiate some touching or kissing if they’re comfortable with it. Respect their boundaries, too. If your date expresses that they aren’t comfortable being kissed or touched in public, then listen to them.
If someone threatens you physically or threatens to expose you, you may want to contact the police and possibly file a restraining order if they continue to harass you.
You may want to tell a close friend that you’re going out on a date so they know where you are and won’t disturb you.
That doesn’t mean you have to look drab! You should still wear a nice outfit, just keep it a little subdued.
Avoid talking about previous relationships until the two of you get to know each other a little bit more. Find out if you share common interests by asking them about their favorite music, food, and movies.
Make eye contact with your date while they’re talking so they know you’re listening. Try not to talk about yourself the whole time. Your date may see you as selfish and boastful.
Don’t overdo it with compliments or you could come off as ingenuine. Try not to be overly sexual unless it’s appropriate. Make sure that you’re
A coffee date during the day will also make it seem less like a formal date so people won’t suspect anything. Coffee will also get the two of you talking and possibly forming a deep connection.
