You may feel ashamed over your quirks, likes and dislikes, or future plans. As your confidence dims, you might start hiding these traits to avoid feeling shame. One of the defining features of narcissism is the treatment of other people as less important, competent, valuable, skilled, or special. Narcissists secretly suffer from abysmal self-esteem themselves. They tear down others any way they can to make themselves feel better.
Narcissists try extra hard to block people who are “onto them” out of your life. Many narcissists use “triangulation. " They’ll constantly compare you to another person or start a rumor to cause tension in your relationships. [4] X Research source On the positive side, this isolation can inspire you to put new effort into making new connections and getting more fulfillment out of your current relationships.
You might put your own freedom, identity, and self-expression to the side in order to please and get affection from your narcissistic partner. The loss of confidence in who you are might make it harder to leave your partner, leaving the narcissist in control of the relationship dynamics. Take advantage of support groups like Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) to regain your independence. [6] X Research source
Confront the narcissist calmly and respectfully. Focus on your feelings rather than their motivations or reasons. Stay calm during confrontations, even if they respond with anger or defensiveness. Walk away and revisit the discussion later instead of escalating. Seek shelter immediately if you feel physically threatened by your narcissistic partner. Physical abuse typically repeats itself. [8] X Research source
Narcissists don’t understand that you have your own needs. Eventually, you might stop advocating for yourself just to keep the peace. Dating a narcissist can be draining. Prioritize self-care and your wellbeing to protect yourself and stabilize your relationship.
Narcissists can’t empathize and don’t hesitate to take advantage of other people to get what they want. Some narcissists exploit their close ones intentionally, while others are oblivious to their manipulative behavior.
The bright side is that you might’ve developed a strong work ethic, and you can accomplish great things for yourself once you stop serving others first. Set self-care boundaries with others and stick to them. Even narcissists will recognize you won’t budge on certain issues if you consistently say no.
As their tactics wear on you, you might obsess over making them love you more. You might become “clingy” (which is what they want from you).
Others may start expecting you to find solutions to problems if you consistently adopt a “this is my fault” mindset. Recognize that it isn’t always your responsibility to fix every problem. If a situation doesn’t involve you, you’re not obligated to get involved.
“I did it because I love you” or “No one else will do things for you like I have. ” “You’re too sensitive. ” “You never told me about that” or “You’re imagining things. ” Reconnect with trusted friends and family to recover from gaslighting and regain your self-trust.
Their lack of empathy means your narcissistic partner doesn’t consider your financial well-being. All they want is for you to spend money on them. Evaluate your spending habits when you’re on dates or shopping for your partner. Dramatically unbalanced spending is a red flag of abuse.
Being deprived of kindness can make you crave it in any form, which might lead you to enter more manipulative relationships in the future.
Toxic levels of bullying and criticism can also lead to severe conditions like eating disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). [19] X Research source If any of these conditions is affecting your ability to work or take care of yourself, seek out a mental health professional to begin healing from your abuse.
It’s easy to overlook red flags when you’re infatuated. However, you may now know that not everyone is capable of loving and fulfilling relationships.
You may also have a newfound respect for people who are kind, gentle, and compassionate themselves.
The clearer and more consistent you are about what you will or won’t do, the harder it becomes for other people to control or manipulate you. Narcissists usually try to keep control over their partners, even if they’ve left. Go “no contact” with them to sever ties and maintain your boundaries. [23] X Research source
The journey to healing is nonlinear and personal. Some experience new growth and perspective while they’re in the relationship, while others need a separation.
