Ask yourself: does he only show up to have a fun night out or to hook up? Or is he there for you when you’ve had a bad day and need to vent? As the saying goes, if he can’t handle you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best.
Pay attention to his body language when you’re talking. Does he text or watch TV while you’re speaking, or does he sit close to you, maintain eye contact, and nod to indicate engagement?
Let’s get one thing clear: there’s good jealousy and there’s bad jealousy. If your boyfriend is controlling about who you spend your time with, there’s an issue there. Everyone gets insecure from time to time, but mature people don’t make their jealousy someone else’s fault.
Sure, if you’ve only been dating a couple weeks or even months, he might not know what he wants just yet and be reluctant to land on a label. But if he’s adamantly against terms like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” especially if you’ve been together for longer than a few months, you should assume he’s not gonna commit.
And he won’t just be interested in your romantic past, either: if he’s into you, he’ll ask you what you’re looking for in a future partner as well. If he wants to date, he’ll want to know something about your romantic past, but if he’s too cavalier hearing you talk about the great sex you had with your last boyfriend, it’s probably a sign he’s not too invested in you.
Pay attention to what he says about his past relationships as well. Odds are, if every single ex-girlfriend was “crazy,” they’re sane: he’s the problem there. [4] X Research source Of course, there’s such a thing as oversharing! If your guy seems too hung up on a past relationship or compares you to previous girlfriends, it may be a sign he’s not over an ex. Back away slowly.
If he shares too much or too quickly, it could be a sign he’s emotionally over-attached—this could be a red flag.
Romance doesn’t have to mean rose petals or grand gestures or any of that bologna. It might be as simple as remembering you love Snickers and grabbing one for you at the checkout.
If he’s not interested in sticking around or being exclusive, he’ll probably try to avoid meeting your friends or getting in any way attached.
A guy who’s not invested won’t care if you meet his friends or family—in fact, he’ll probably try to make sure you don’t!
That being said, quality is more important than quantity. If you’re spending loads of time together but you’re just hooking up or zoning out watching TV, it might not be a love match. On the other hand, if he’s got a demanding job but makes sure to spend what little free time he has hanging out with you and getting to know you better, it’s a sign he prioritizes you.
Arguments may sound like a red flag, but they can lead to great discussions and yield growth. Pay attention to how things go after an argument as well: does he follow through on resolutions you made in the argument? Or does he just pretend to resolve arguments to stop fighting? Obviously, if you’re fighting constantly after only a few weeks or months, that should make you pause before committing to this guy. You might not be compatible!
In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to maintain independent lives without being overly clingy or insecure. While you’re both figuring out where you stand with one another, you might feel the fluttering of anxiety (romantically known as “butterflies”), but this should be minimal and should fade as you establish your commitment to each other and learn to trust one another.
His intentions might not be bad, and he might not even realize he’s playing games: giving you mixed signals could be a sign he doesn’t understand his own feelings. But that doesn’t mean you have to put up with the confusion!
There’s such a thing as getting too obsessive or intense. If you’re on date number 6 and he’s already figured out how many kids you’ll have and where you’re going to retire to, that’s probably a red flag on its own.
You don’t need to be confrontational, but if you’ve been together for a few months or even years and you aren’t sure where you stand in the relationship (or if there’s a relationship to stand in at all), let him know where you’re at, and ask him where he’s at. “Hey Carlo, I really like you, and I’d love to talk about where you see this relationship going. Maybe we could grab a coffee and chat?” “Sam, I’ve been having such a blast with you. You’re the coolest, sweetest guy, and I was wondering if you’d like to make things exclusive between us. ” “I don’t know where you see things headed, but I wanted to let you know I’m not interested in seeing anyone else, and I was wondering if you’d like to make things official?”
