For instance, they may make elusive compliments about your weight, appearance, or eating habits. Deal with passive-aggressive behavior by remaining calm and factual. Reacting can help a covert narcissist gain power over you.
Be assertive when you respond to their forgetfulness. Remember, what you want and need is important, too.
If you feel like you’re always taking the blame for them, try taking a step back and looking at it from a new perspective. First, acknowledge if you have done anything wrong. Then, consider why they may be acting this way.
Call them out on their lie by saying, “I know what I saw” or “You always have to be right about everything. ”[3] X Research source When dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to have a support system. Reach out to friends, family, or a counselor you trust to talk things through and gain new perspectives. [4] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
Try not to acknowledge their dutiful acts if you know they’re done with the wrong intentions. Instead, appear almost bored by them, so the narcissist has nothing to feed off of. [6] X Research source
This behavior can be physical or mental. Perhaps they always walk ahead of you or bring up something upsetting before a big event. Sometimes, the best way to deal with a narcissist is to distance yourself. This isn’t always accessible, but even the smallest bit of space can help you regather your thoughts and pave the way toward a meaningful conversation. [7] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
A covert narcissist may be drawn to totalitarian leaders because of this, as they value dominance and control. It may be hard, but you need to protect yourself first. If someone’s behavior is making you feel small, maybe it’s time to take a step back or move on from the relationship. [9] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Look out for phrases like, “I’m a bad person” or “My life is meaningless. ” Try your best not to play into this “woe is me” act. If you don’t take a covert narcissist’s bait, they’ll eventually stop fishing. Respond with something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way” to reset the situation.
Criticism damages their idealized image of themselves, so they’ll dismiss any negative comments. Covert narcissists rarely have a go-getter attitude and will blame others for their lack of success. [12] X Research source Ask yourself if continuing to critique and confront them is worth it. If they’re willing to listen and change, amazing! If they’re not, maybe you should stop trying to help.
Set boundaries with a covert narcissist to stop their tactics and hold them accountable. [14] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source This could be as simple as not reaching out to you after a certain time or avoiding a specific topic in conversation.
Keep in mind that every gift a covert narcissist gives you (whether physical or emotional) can have a price, as they could use their “kindness” to manipulate you in the future. Be cautious if you notice this love bombing behavior, and gently express why the behavior worries you.
They’re also sore losers because of this, and you may find it difficult to play any type of friendly game with them. Reassure them that they don’t need to win or show off to prove themselves to you. We all have insecurities, but they don’t have to control us. [15] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Covert narcissists need validation and will often dismiss the opinions and knowledge of others. We know this behavior can be beyond frustrating, but try not to acknowledge it. Covert narcissists seek validation, and the more attention you give them, the more likely they are to continue manipulating. [17] X Research source
This is a defense mechanism against their own faults and wrongdoings. They’re insecure, and putting others down can help them feel better. Make sure they don’t silence you—your voice deserves to be heard, and your experiences are valid. [19] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Try diffusing the situation by saying something like, “How about we try it a different way this time?” or “Things can be done differently and still be great. Let me show you. " If a covert narcissist does something rude or unkind, gently point it out to them. They may not realize what they’re doing is hurting you—there’s always room for a covert narcissist to change, as long as they’re willing to do the work. [20] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
