If your girlfriend is looking down in the dumps, don’t assume she doesn’t want to be with you. Continue to try to spend time with her, inviting her to do things with her or just sitting with her while she mopes. You can ask her if she needs anything, but mainly you just want to show her that you aren’t going to desert her in her time of need. Don’t be too pushy though – give her the space she needs. Feel out the situation and see if she wants your company or not. If your girlfriend comes to you with a problem, ask her what she needs instead of assuming it. [2] X Research source For example, she may want you to listen to her or give feedback or advice. [3] X Research source Do what she wants. You can use the technique of reflective listening. It involves listening to the person and repeating what they have said. [4] X Research source
The most important thing to do when your girlfriend is upset is be patient with her. She may act a little more moody, or may be more prone to become irritated by things you do. Just give her time to recover and cheer up and don’t try to force her into a cheery mood. Also, if it is taking longer than you anticipated for her to cheer up, don’t ask her “When are you going to cheer up?” That’s likely just going to make her more upset. [6] X Research source
Some questions you can use to initiate this conversation are “How are you today?” “I notice you aren’t acting like yourself. . . is something wrong?” “It seems like something is bothering you. . . do you want to talk about it?” If your girlfriend is hesitant or doesn’t want to talk about something, don’t pry. Give her the time she needs to think through things. She may just be having a bad day and doesn’t really have much to say about it, so don’t assume something is terribly wrong. If your girlfriend is upset or mad about something, you may just need to give her space. She may not be in the mood to talk about it or she may get angry if you probe her too much. If you are sensing this is the case with your girlfriend, don’t ignore her, but try to allow her to come to you with whatever is bothering her before you ask her.
One way to show your girlfriend you are truly listening to her is by summarizing what she said, so that she knows you are paying attention. After your girlfriend has expressed something, pause, and then say something like “so you’re saying you are feeling this way because. . . “[9] X Research source Validate your girlfriend as she talks to you. Explain to her how you appreciate her opening up to you.
If she is really stressed about a test and doesn’t feel she can handle it, remind her of all of the ways she has succeeded in school. If she was rejected from a job, remind her of all of her good qualities and that the job hunt just takes time. If she is feeling insecure about her looks, remind her how beautiful she is. If your girlfriend is experiencing personal loss, like someone in her family or one of her friends died, comfort her, be a listener, and express your sympathy. You might say something like, “I know your grandmother meant a lot to you. I see a lot of her kindness in your spirit. "
Sometimes the bad jokes are the best jokes to make someone cheer up. Tell your girlfriend a “dad joke” or something really corny. She may laugh out of the fact that he joke is so bad or pitiful.
Even if you’re not a very good dancer, your girlfriend will appreciate your effort and will be able to take her mind off things for a little while. If you don’t want the sole responsibility of dancing with her, consider inviting some of your mutual friends so that she has a group to dance with.
Maybe your girlfriend has always wanted to learn how to play a certain instrument, wants to take up cycling, or is interested in gardening. Be by her side as you two learn this new hobby and support her in it. If she seems uninterested in learning something new, encourage her slowly. Don’t force her to pick up a hobby, but slowly show her how good it can be for her. Start learning the new skill or hobby on your own and share your experience with her. This may motivate her to join you.
As you do this you might consider playing some soft music so that she can fully rest and relax. She may just need to keep her mind off things for a while, so a comforting massage and peaceful music may just be the trick.
Some people lose their appetite when they are upset about something. If your girlfriend seems really upset about something, ask her first if she is up for going out. She may just need a night in or time to herself, so do whatever will suit her best.
You can also take her shopping, so that she can pick out some things herself. Spending a few hours with her at her favorite stores can go a long way, and it will likely help cheer her up, especially if she finds something she likes.
