In fact, it’s a good idea to bring some notes with you, so you have something to refer back to in the discussion, particularly if you have evidence you want to discuss.
When someone presents an idea that takes you aback, think a moment before responding. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to see where they’re coming from. If you don’t understand something, ask a follow-up question. The other person will likely appreciate that you are interested in what they have to say.
If you’re a little shy, try getting the leader’s attention so you have a chance to speak. You can also ask questions to encourage discussion.
To listen well, don’t just be thinking about what you want to say next. Actually hear what the other members are saying. Try jotting down short notes on what others are saying, so you have them to refer back to. If you have a good idea, hold onto it until the moment is right to share. Don’t cut people off while they’re sharing their ideas. It can help to jot down a few words to help remind yourself to share your idea once it’s your turn to speak.
For instance, you might be tempted to say, “Well, you’re stupid for thinking that. " However, that will only cause the conversation to spiral downward. Try, “Can you explain to me why you think that? I disagree, but I’d like to hear more about your side. " This sentence will help dialogue continue to flow, and they may make a point that will win you over.
For instance, try using “Chairperson” instead of “Chairman. " Say “Can I get everyone’s attention?” instead of “Ladies and gentlemen, can I get your attention?”
You can ask exploring questions to get a dialogue going, such as “What do you think was meant by ‘objectivity versus subjectivity’?” Challenge questions can get a debate going, such as “What assumptions is the author making? Do you think they’re valid assumptions?” You can also ask questions about relationships, such as “What are the similarities between these two ideas? What are the differences?” Diagnostic questions can be helpful as well, such as “What do you think the author’s motive was for this scene?”
Take steps to address issues as you notice them. For instance, if one person gets consistently cut off by another member, you may notice they cross their arms and glare at the other person. Try to mediate the problem by asking what that person thinks, as well as encouraging members to let others finish their thoughts before speaking up.
If you prefer, you can ask a volunteer to do the note-taking.
